Some days I really cannot be bothered to update this blog with my lack of racing prowess. This isn’t one of those days, but the previous 15 or so were. So roll up, roll up, 4 race reports arriving in chronological order, in the fewest number of words possible:
Race 1, Eelmore closed circuit, about 2 weeks ago:
Shit.
Race 2, Hog Hill closed circuit, about 1 week ago:
Challenging.
Race 3, Eelmore again, about 5 days ago:
Frustrating.
Race 4, Surrey League Kirdford (not Alfold as advertised), one day ago:
Fruitless.
To give a little more flavour to the report, if each race were represented by a main dish they would be as follows:
Race 1
Lentil and chickpea bake. Finished just to be polite, even though you hate every bland mouthful.
Race 2
A massive porterhouse steak. Seems daunting at the beginning, but as you progress you start to think that you really could finish it and still have room for pudding.
Race 3
Roast beef with Yorkshire pud, roasted parsnips and all the trimmings. Ordered because you particularly love roasted parsnips. The kitchen is out of parsnips and they’ve substituted over-cooked, bitter chicory.
Race 4
Pork vindaloo (a properly pukka homemade one). Tastes great and has you going back for more, even though you know you’ll feel utterly spent the next day.
So four more races, no points gained. But my form and attitude improved through each one and by Race 4 I was really enjoying myself again. And as luck would have it, I now probably don’t have the chance to race again for at least two weeks!
Monday, 27 June 2011
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Note to self:
You’re going to stick near the front tonight, right? Not off the front, not in the middle of the bunch, not at the back, but in the front 10-15 the whole race. The safe area where you actually enjoy racing. You’re not going to waste energy on the front – you’ll ride a smart race for once. OK, we’re rolling out – off we go. Remember, sensible riding, energy conservation, don’t get rattled by dodgy riding, don’t…
Hey, woah, what are you doing? No riding on the front I said, and yet here you are on Lap 1 dragging the whole bunch round. Alright, you’re only riding tempo, but stop it. Immediately. Got it?
Right, that’s better, back at 4th wheel. Let that guy go off the front, leave him to dangle, don’t get involved in chasing him down, just latch onto a wheel coming past and stay in the top 10. Good, you might finally be getting the hang of sensible racing. Stay away from the gobby upright rider and the skinsuit rider – remember last time? They were all over the place.
There goes one of your clubmates...yes, of course you should let him go. Ride tempo on the front for half a lap to give him a chance. Don’t try and catch his break, no, I said don’t...hey, what are you doing? Just because another rider popped off the front you don’t have to...oh I give up!
Right, so despite all my advice you’re in a break, aren’t you? Idiot. It won’t last, no matter how much effort you put in, no matter how much you’re shouted at by others, because it’s too early and the pack behind is rampant. You’ll just tire yourself out, but go ahead, you’re obviously not paying attention, are you?
OK, so the pack is less than 100m behind you, time to knock it off, have a drink and recuperate for a moment. Didn’t exactly cover yourself in glory on that break, did you? Back to Plan A, stay near the front, expend minimal energy. There you go, back at 8th wheel, nicely done. Just stay there, try not to slip back, watch out for gobby guy again, keep it together, let others chase the riders popping off the front.
No, I said don’t slip back. Concentrate, you’re nearly at the back of the bunch. Pedal, faster, move up now or you won't be able to again until the next lap – missed it. Try again in a few minutes. Wait for the rise of the hill, OK now, go go go! NO! Not on the outside down the back straight, the bunch will swerve again and you’ll have the door closed on you. Oh well done, you wasted all that energy to gain 2 positions. Brilliant! Get your breath back and try again in a lap.
Pedal, pedal, push – right, you’ve done it – near the front of the bunch again. Five laps to go – good timing. Now concentrate and, whatever you do, under no circumstances will you...stop that! Was it really worth chasing him down? You’re tired now aren’t you, and the bunch are racing properly. You’re slipping back, keep pushing. Watch out for the guy in the middle of the bunch, he’s dying – go left. LEFT! NOT RIGHT! See, you can’t move out there because of the stream of riders coming past. Well done, you’ve just gone from 5th to near-last in the blink of an eye. That’s your race over sunshine.
Next time you really should listen to me.
Hey, woah, what are you doing? No riding on the front I said, and yet here you are on Lap 1 dragging the whole bunch round. Alright, you’re only riding tempo, but stop it. Immediately. Got it?
Right, that’s better, back at 4th wheel. Let that guy go off the front, leave him to dangle, don’t get involved in chasing him down, just latch onto a wheel coming past and stay in the top 10. Good, you might finally be getting the hang of sensible racing. Stay away from the gobby upright rider and the skinsuit rider – remember last time? They were all over the place.
There goes one of your clubmates...yes, of course you should let him go. Ride tempo on the front for half a lap to give him a chance. Don’t try and catch his break, no, I said don’t...hey, what are you doing? Just because another rider popped off the front you don’t have to...oh I give up!
Right, so despite all my advice you’re in a break, aren’t you? Idiot. It won’t last, no matter how much effort you put in, no matter how much you’re shouted at by others, because it’s too early and the pack behind is rampant. You’ll just tire yourself out, but go ahead, you’re obviously not paying attention, are you?
OK, so the pack is less than 100m behind you, time to knock it off, have a drink and recuperate for a moment. Didn’t exactly cover yourself in glory on that break, did you? Back to Plan A, stay near the front, expend minimal energy. There you go, back at 8th wheel, nicely done. Just stay there, try not to slip back, watch out for gobby guy again, keep it together, let others chase the riders popping off the front.
No, I said don’t slip back. Concentrate, you’re nearly at the back of the bunch. Pedal, faster, move up now or you won't be able to again until the next lap – missed it. Try again in a few minutes. Wait for the rise of the hill, OK now, go go go! NO! Not on the outside down the back straight, the bunch will swerve again and you’ll have the door closed on you. Oh well done, you wasted all that energy to gain 2 positions. Brilliant! Get your breath back and try again in a lap.
Pedal, pedal, push – right, you’ve done it – near the front of the bunch again. Five laps to go – good timing. Now concentrate and, whatever you do, under no circumstances will you...stop that! Was it really worth chasing him down? You’re tired now aren’t you, and the bunch are racing properly. You’re slipping back, keep pushing. Watch out for the guy in the middle of the bunch, he’s dying – go left. LEFT! NOT RIGHT! See, you can’t move out there because of the stream of riders coming past. Well done, you’ve just gone from 5th to near-last in the blink of an eye. That’s your race over sunshine.
Next time you really should listen to me.
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