A new low...

SERRL Edenbridge, Sunday 23rd May, 3/4 race. What a beautiful day for a bike race – warm, sunny, a light breeze, plenty of other Dynamos in the field, it should have been a good day. But it wasn’t. My state of mind is the problem at the moment with my racing and I was so far from being committed that I may as well have just sat the race out in the carpark.

The pre-race briefing started with the usual warnings – no straying over the white line, watch out for numerous parked cars on the course, there are loads of potholes, there’s a kids’ fun day which might result in some funny driving and additional pedestrians, etc. All of which makes you realise that road racing in the South East is a bit of an obstacle course.

The Edenbridge course is pretty lumpy – no major hills but enough steep little rises and long false flats to make things interesting. So, mile one, someone drops a bottle up ahead and the guy next to me rides straight over it, spraying me with some sticky energy drink – nice! I can’t remember the last race I was in when someone hasn’t dropped a bottle. Mile 4, and Mark has a puncture. Just as the pace is hotting up a bit, far from ideal. He got a spare wheel from neutral service and chased for the remainder of the first lap but made little headway on the gap. End of lap one and I’ve got most of the hills and roads sorted out in my mind, but I’m really not enjoying myself. Some of the riding is a bit iffy, but not too bad really, so I’m confused – why am I enjoying this so little? Lap two and I have no problems with the pace, but up one of the smaller climbs I take a swig from my bottle and let a small gap open up. Suddenly there’s four of us off the back – no problem, a little dig and we get back on. Then it happens again, and this time my head goes down – it isn’t the legs or the lungs that are hurting, but I don’t feel like trying any more. I’m sick of riding in the bunch and constantly worrying about the riders, the potholes that I can’t see, the oncoming traffic that must be struggling to see us all in the dappled sunlight down some of the lanes. So I let a bigger gap open up and reduce my speed a little futher. That’s it, game over. I wave the neutral service car past. Once the bunch is out of site around the corner I continue at my own pace until I meet another Dynamo who’s been tailed off - he looks very hot and tired. We work together for a bit, just for training really, but I glance back after a couple of minutes and he’s nowhere to be seen. Another few minutes in no-mans land and I can see a small grupetto in the distance of 6 or 7 riders who’ve been dropped by the main bunch. Right, I’ll catch them up if I can, just for the workout prior to going home. A mile or so of work and I’m sitting on the back of them. Elliot is in this group too, so there’s a little company. After a few minutes the rear of the main bunch comes into view. We catch them. I didn’t really want to. Pace seems to have slowed a little as we complete the second lap. But I’ve already given up, I see no point sitting at the back of this bunch for another two laps.

So I do the worst thing, I pack up. It’s the first time I’ve ever voluntarily dropped out of a race and it feels terrible. I need to develop a positive mental attitude towards racing if I’m going to continue…